Sunday, July 18, 2010
This picture was taken at the condominium back in Marikina months ago. My friends and I were trying to comfort someone who was seriously ill.
This was no ordinary picture because it was taken behind my back. I was contemplating on how difficult life is when you are an adult.
It made me remember Peter Pan who didn't want to grow up. Somehow I am like Peter Pan I realized. You see, there are "growing pains" when you become an adult.
I decided to post it here to breathe my soul and vent. When you turn your back, other people call it cowardice. However, I don't. I call it courage.
It's not easy to leave. It's not easy to lose something you love. Be it a thing, a home, a spouse, a friend, or a group of people, it can only be cowardice if you don't admit a certain mistake.
Turning your back can indeed make you appear a coward. But how can you call it cowardice when it's the most you can do to preserve the "health" of everybody? How can you call it cowardice when what you do is to sacrifice the "things" you love doing like singing, praying for people and ministering other's needs?
There are times when a person must leave -- even her home to give space of all of those people who are hurting just because of her.
Mistakes are mistakes and intentions are intentions. It dawned on me that perceptions indeed differ. Therefore, any well-meant intention can appear like a big mistake.
The kingdom agenda must go on. And those that hinder this must leave in favor of the greater picture.
As for me, I've always taught my successors that commitment is sticking to what is right. And I've failed in this area because I became a student to my own lessons. However, I maintain, that it is right to die to yourself and deny the right to be understood. Turning your back is denying yourself to explain what really happened -- not because you are a coward but because you want peace.
For a radical person like me, seeking peace is a big leap. Any histrionic person (as I was recently labelled by a good friend) seeks to be understood. But if I am indeed histrionic, I say I opt to understand first with the desire to be circumspect about things. Yes, maybe, I wasn't really looking that I am falling from a cliff. Sometimes, it needs a "yell" to remind me and say, "Jeni, you are falling!"
Is it still cowardice when you need to leave even if your heart and mind don't want to?