One More Time

The Katinas are great ....

This song has been a blessing ...

Thanks to the walls of Maki and Joie ...

THEY SAY IT'S COWARDICE

This picture was taken at the condominium back in Marikina months ago. My friends and I were trying to comfort someone who was seriously ill.

This was no ordinary picture because it was taken behind my back. I was contemplating on how difficult life is when you are an adult.

It made me remember Peter Pan who didn't want to grow up. Somehow I am like Peter Pan I realized. You see, there are "growing pains" when you become an adult.

I decided to post it here to breathe my soul and vent. When you turn your back, other people call it cowardice. However, I don't. I call it courage.

It's not easy to leave. It's not easy to lose something you love. Be it a thing, a home, a spouse, a friend, or a group of people, it can only be cowardice if you don't admit a certain mistake.

Turning your back can indeed make you appear a coward. But how can you call it cowardice when it's the most you can do to preserve the "health" of everybody? How can you call it cowardice when what you do is to sacrifice the "things" you love doing like singing, praying for people and ministering other's needs?

There are times when a person must leave -- even her home to give space of all of those people who are hurting just because of her.

Mistakes are mistakes and intentions are intentions. It dawned on me that perceptions indeed differ. Therefore, any well-meant intention can appear like a big mistake.

The kingdom agenda must go on. And those that hinder this must leave in favor of the greater picture.

As for me, I've always taught my successors that commitment is sticking to what is right. And I've failed in this area because I became a student to my own lessons. However, I maintain, that it is right to die to yourself and deny the right to be understood. Turning your back is denying yourself to explain what really happened -- not because you are a coward but because you want peace.

For a radical person like me, seeking peace is a big leap. Any histrionic person (as I was recently labelled by a good friend) seeks to be understood. But if I am indeed histrionic, I say I opt to understand first with the desire to be circumspect about things. Yes, maybe, I wasn't really looking that I am falling from a cliff. Sometimes, it needs a "yell" to remind me and say, "Jeni, you are falling!"

Is it still cowardice when you need to leave even if your heart and mind don't want to?

Is it?

from NANAY ANNE

ON CARROTS, EGGS AND COFFEE

I got this note from my nanay, Te Ann ...

Without receiving any texts and from me and without a clue on whatever is going on in my life,

she comes unexpectedly ...

She happens to be my spiritual mother and everytime I slip, fall and trip over something, she "feels" it ....

Here is what she sent me ...

God is indeed real ...

He sends people even when you don't expect them....

I hope you will be blessed by reading

____________________________________________________

A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee...You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up, She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.
In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, ' Tell me what you see.

'Carrots, eggs, and coffee,' she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked,

'What does it all mean, mother?'
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: "boiling water."
Each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.

The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

'Which are you?' she asked her daughter.

'When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond?
Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this:
Which am I?
Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavour. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level?

How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.

Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
You might want to send this message to those people who mean something to you...

(I JUST DID);

to those who have touched your life in one way or another;
to those who make you smile when you really need it;
to those who make you see the brighter side of things when you are really down;
to those whose friendship you appreciate;
to those who are so meaningful in your life.


May we all be COFFEE!!

On God's Direction

It was January when I learned that I will be assigned back in Cagayan to lead the Erdkinder group in La Granja.

Again, another “curve” in God’s direction in my life.

I recently learned that sometimes “you need to stop planning and just allow God to take over.”

jeni the "mephibosheth"

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Bridge:
Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

NEVER LOSE THE "MEANING"

I was attending this seminar on "Reading Difficulties" and yes, I was disappointed. It was one of the worst seminars that I've registered myself into. Well, thanks to the school who made a foot on the bill. I found myself complaining at the way the method was made. So "old school." And there more than 300 people in the room. The speaker was reading "thoroughly" her so-called materials that were surprisingly photocopied from several books with horrible letters that some were too tiny to matter.

Good enough there was Joni, a friend from another church. I sat with Joni and we both agreed that the lecture has been sssssssssssssssssooooooooooooooooooooo "ineffective."

After a boring morning, I looked for a comfortable sofa to steal sleeping moments while having a break for it was awfully cold. (BTW, the morning activity was so full of a GTKY activity that was so non-sensible like "Look for someone who doesn't have a boyfriend?" I mean, "Who cares?")

KEBS!

I managed to continue the afternoon session. I was trying to find worth with the school money used for my registration. Joni and I were both very sleepy. Who wouldn't? While I was having coffee to avoid sleeping, Joni and I began talking about the word " meaning?"

We both realized that we needed to find meaning in that seminar. And I can't help but think about the WORD. It became a big word that afternoon. I told Joni my worries on the said word. You see, in my workplace, I worry a lot recently.

I worry that my co - teachers will not find "meaning" anymore in what they do. I worry that they will stop looking for that "meaning" because they are tired. I worry that some lost it ... in the middle of "things."

I worry about the "new" teachers, too. I worry that they will not be able to see meaning in what they do especially through training. I am more worried that they will not be able to find it.

While I was lost in my thoughts, I suddenly heard the speaker mention a poem that caught my attention finally. Though the material I was reading was crudely photocopied, I found myself mumbling words that I liked. It was Shel Silverstein's "The Zebra Question."

Here it is. I am proud to say I memorized it after one reading.

THE ZEBRA QUESTION
Shel Silverstein

I once asked a zebra,
"Are you white with black stripes?
Or are you black with white stripes?"

Then the zebra asked me,
" Are you good with bad habits?
Or are you bad with good habits?"
"Are you happy with some sad days?
Or are you sad with some happy days?"
"Are you neat with some sloppy ways?
Or are you sloppy with some neat ways?"

The zebra went on and on and on
And on and on again ...
And I said to myself,
"I will never ask the zebra that same question again?"


In our search for meaning, we find ourselves asking a lot of questions? I saw myself in the poem. And yes, why do I ask every now and then? Though my questions are important to me, I should realize that to look for "meaning" through things does not need to be hard.

There are things that naturally happen by chance and all we need to do is appreciate them. There can be things, also, that require our choices. And there are things that we simply can not control, whether they happen by chance or by choice.

the thing that matters most

hi!

here among my pillows i do my quiet moments ...

today is July 11 ...

i started the day right ...

went out earlier to jog and praise God while watching the clouds wondering what will happen when the great day of His appearing comes - rapture, that is ...

i am about to read Matthew 9 ...